What happened in the silence in between

What happened in the silence in between

by | Jul 19, 2023 | Coaching, Holistic, Life Lessons, Mindful Living

I began this year with great gusto, buzzing with a sense of adventure and with all sorts of things planned.

January lived up to all my expectations with an uplifting workshop on ‘Planting Seeds’ with a group of wonderful women who I’m also fortunate to call friends. We talked about setting intentions, set them down on paper in a variety of creative ways, and coached and encouraged each other to bring it to life.

I like to join in with these things too, when we are working in a small group, so I drew a big globe and plotted on the map where I was planning to go this year, with playful illustrations of what I would do when I got there. First up was India at the end of January, which was a fantastic experience once again and I wrote about it in my blog about Feeling at home wherever you are.

And then I caught another virus straight after I got home and was stopped in my tracks again. Little did I know that I would still have chronic fatigue months later. I haven’t even been able to write, as I can’t seem to find the words.

It can be hard to stay connected and motivated when my mind and body is running on empty, and I have often felt frustrated at ‘sitting around doing nothing’.

And yet, that’s not really true. It’s a story I’ve been telling myself at times, being naturally fed up as it’s been 3 years now, on and off, since I first became ill. When I read this quote from Mozart recently, I felt a warmth spreading from my core…

“The music is not in the notes, but the silence in between.” Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Inwardly I said a big “YES” and breathed a sigh of relief.

In the time that it has been necessary to rest and apparently ‘do very little’ I have also been doing profound inner work, as I feel a deeper layer of myself has begun to emerge. Despite not being at my best at times (nowhere near it!), I hold a solid belief that this is part of my path which will fundamentally influence the way I live and the type of work I do in future. And that is important to take my time over.

Here are some examples of what’s been happening in the ‘silence in between’…

Personal Reflection

I have taken time to notice how I think, and what patterns and words I use relating to my health, becoming aware of what helps and what holds me back, consciously accepting and letting go of how I wish things were. For example I have been very aware of my tendency to focus on others over my self, and my habit of finding a silver lining in everything, which I now understand can be detrimental over the long term. I have invested in coaching and holistic therapies which have been a lifeline when I have felt adrift at times. I have had lots of lovely messages and offers of support from friends too, but I have just not been well enough to make plans, far less meeting up.

Learning how the mind, body, and nervous system works

Studying the science has greatly helped me to understand why I have been so unwell and not hold blame or shame, or feeling I ‘should’ be better by now. I have also read incredibly insightful books including ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ by Bessel Van der Kolk and ‘No Bad Parts’ by Richard Schwartz on the fascinating topic of Internal Family Systems (IFS). I have done some deep work to embrace difficult emotions and welcomed aspects of myself which have long been buried or ‘exiled’ as Schwartz calls it.

Modelling how other people have recovered

There are accounts of people who have recovered fully from chronic fatigue and post-viral symptoms, highlighting how they think, and what they do to make progress. I am taking small steps forward from what I have learned, and although it will take time, I am feeling a renewed sense of hope.

Seeing clients again

I have loved opening up my diary to see clients, just a few at a time and I am very careful about giving the experience and quality of attention they have come to expect, as well as managing my health and energy levels.

Opportunities for learning

As well as being one of the most challenging periods in my life, this has been (and still is) an opportunity to re-evaluate and open up to a new level of awareness. I have enjoyed getting to know myself in my 50th year, and although it has not been at all what I expected it has been so enriching and enlightening.

So, there you go… I seem to have gone from being stuck for words to pouring out several hundred of them in one go! It feels good to connect in this way again, although now I am ready for a long rest!

I will be opening up for another couple of one-to-one clients in August, either for Executive Coaching or Personal Development coaching, so please feel free to book a discovery call if you think you’d like to snap up one of the slots.

In the meantime, I am wondering what this blog has opened up for you? Are you curious about your own development and the ‘silence in between’?

Au revoir for now, and I hope it won’t be too long til I am back posting again!

Metaphors can change your life

Metaphors can change your life

by | Feb 15, 2023 | Coaching, Mindful Living, NLP, Resilience

​Working with metaphors has been life-changing for me, and for many people I have worked with.

A metaphor is a way of expressing something that conveys a variety of meaningful attributes, in the form of something else.

You might hear people say things like…

“It’s as if I’m on a treadmill and I can’t keep up”

“I went for a walk to blow away the cobwebs”

“You’re a star”

None of these are literal statements – not usually anyway! – but they mean something beyond the surface structure of the words to the person who’s saying them. In other words, what we mean goes deeper than what we say, and a metaphor is a sign that there is more to discover in the unconscious aspects of our experience.

Where it gets really interesting, I find, is when the person is having some kind of embodied experience in the form of a metaphor, for example…

“I can see red mist, I’m so angry”

“There’s a tightness in my throat when I talk about it”

“I just know. I can feel it in my gut… heavy like a stone”

“I can feel a buzz of positive energy”

Or it could be pointing emphatically to a particular point in the space around them, a or sound (like ‘whoosh’ or ‘bang’).

Again, none of these are literal but there is clearly some deeper meaning, and other insights to be found if we have a chance to explore.

Understanding your metaphors can create profound shifts, often bringing about new metaphors which change the whole outlook.

In the photo on this post, I show an example of a metaphor I held at the start of my transformational journey with #NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) – a scraggy old onion with lots of layers to peel back and discover. Through NLP tools and techniques, this then transformed into a beautiful lotus flower, with the petals gracefully unfolding with ease, representing the thinking and beliefs I now hold about how I learn and develop at my best.

And once you begin to understand metaphors you begin to develop a landscape of understanding, how things connect and relate to each other, and find solutions and choices you never even knew existed!

You can probably tell I’m passionate about this… I could go on for hours, but I won’t!

If you are interested to explore your personal metaphors, and the resources and insights they hold for you, then please get in touch for a chat! I offer Personal Coaching, Executive Coaching and development programmes, and various events throughout the year.

#metaphors #cleanlanguage #linguistics #NLP #coaching

Maps of the world

Maps of the world

by | Jul 18, 2022 | Coaching, Creativity, NLP

A couple of years ago I visited Kelvingrove Museum with my daughter to see an exhibition of Leonardo da Vinci’s work. I was intrigued to see the brushstrokes and pencil drawings in person, imagining him creating them all that time ago… little did I know it would spark my curiosity way beyond that.

There are many similarities in the style and form of his work, but these two stood out when I realised what’s different and unique about them.

The first is an anatomically correct study of a human spine, with every vertebra meticulously studied and set out on the page. Nothing like this had ever been done before, yet look at how the shape and form is precise, with structured notes and uniformity. Imagine the tenacity and attention to detail which went into such a piece of work, and how this helped physicians and scientists at the time.

The other picture is a map of an area in Italy which was entirely created through studying from ground level and IMAGINING what the aerial view would be. There was no aerial photography, no means of flying (yet… although he was a pioneer in that too), and yet he was able to create a map which is representative of the real landscape.

The mind which created these fascinates me, and especially the belief and determination which he must have had to boldly go where – literally – no one had gone before.

“The most important places on a map are the places we haven’t been yet.” ~ Jennifer Zeynab Joukhadar

During a planning meeting last week, Carolyn and I were talking about ‘maps of the world’. It’s an expression used in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and it helps to describe how we each have a unique perception of the world which shapes our experiences. In metaphorical terms, this internal representation could be likened to a ‘map’, with all the features set according to what we have experienced, our beliefs, values, memories, conditioning… and everything we have taken in through our senses. And yet this internal map which us humans have is only a representation – it’s not the whole truth, it’s not factual, and it has missing bits!

Just like Leonardo da Vinci we have created a map based on a sub-set of information, although perhaps less consciously.

As one of the Beliefs of Excellence (or pre-suppositions) in NLP says:

“The map is not the territory.”

What this is saying, in human terms, is that we have our map imprinted and integrated with all we know and have experienced, and yet there is no single version of the truth. We filter from subjective experience, which is essentially what NLP is about – the study of subjective experience, focusing on excellence and ‘doing what works’. Even having been in the same place at the same time as someone, there will be two versions of events. I am a twin and my sister and I recall different things from the same situations sometimes, either remembering different things or describing the same thing but not in the same way.

If you’d like to know more about the Beliefs of Excellence, and how they can significantly impact on our thinking – and the results we get – Carolyn has written a great blog about it.

And if you’re curious about developing different perspectives and progressing personally and professionally, take a look at various events coming up in the New Year, as well as books, cards, and other resources. You’re also welcome to book a discovery call to talk about how I could potentially support you, and have an experience what it’s like to work with me.

Where the magic is found

Where the magic is found

by | Jul 18, 2022 | Uncategorized

I’ve been reflecting for some time now on how to explain specifically what I do, why I do it, and the impact for clients.

Returning to work last week with fresh eyes and an open mind has been a revelation. I’ve been doing a lot of deep personal development work on myself over the summer, culminating last week in a fantastic Coaching Programme with Sue Knight. Participants shared significant discoveries which also brought learning for others in the group, and there was laughter, some tears, and a willingness to be vulnerable and express ourselves freely in-the-moment.

I felt a deep shift in my awareness of what I’m capable of, developed my sense of identity as an experienced practitioner, and appreciated the significance of the generative work I’ve been doing for some time, through coaching, training, mindfulness, and writing. More and more over time, I’m working with experienced coaches, leaders, and therapists too, because they are ready for a deep shift. And perhaps the world being a different place with the pandemic has prompted some self-reflection for all of us.

These simple words came to me this morning, which I think sum it up…

~ I help people to understand themselves like never before ~

I listen and notice even the most subtle signals in what they say and do, and also build a broad understanding of patterns of thoughts, beliefs, and how they relate to themselves and others. And I do this in a compassionate way, without judgement, which can bring insights very quickly if the person is willing to open up to their full experience (and they almost always are).

What does this bring for clients? They feel empowered to be themselves, just as they are, and live a wholehearted life, whatever that uniquely means for each of them… feeling fulfilled and doing work which aligns with who they are and what they want to bring to the world.

Words I hear most often about clients’ experiences is that they feel “lighter”, “free”, “like me again”, “I can let go”, and most recently from a business client (with a chuckle) “What is this witchy magic you do?”. I love that!

And the magic is found in sitting with someone in their world, holding space for whatever wants to emerge, which I find can have a significant healing effect, and clears the way for them to find new energy and embark on new beginnings. I know this is true, because I continue to experience it for myself.

These words from my book ‘Roots for Growth’ are resonating today…

“All the personal growth, hurting and healing is in many ways a gift. If sharing what I’ve learned with others can reassure and inspire them even just a little bit, it’s worth it. And I feel it enables me as much as any qualifications I’ve achieved, to walk a challenging path with others through my coaching.”

Thank you Sue and Carolyn, for the opportunity to join the programme. And I’m excited about the next steps.

The photo was taken in Rothiemurchus Estate near Aviemore a few years ago – a family favourite for holidays, long walks, and making memories. It’s a place where I’ve often reflected on what’s important in life… and what’s next on the path.